Loneliness and the elderly: ‘The deafening sound of silence’

Vivienne O’Brien, who lives on her own in the north Dublin suburb of Swords, says she hates weekends and bank holidays. “It’s because everybody else is busy and I’m not,” explains the 79 year old. She also finds the darker evenings and winter months more difficult than the brighter times of the year.

“I don’t expect to do something every day and I have carers coming in three times a day to bath and dress my legs,” explains O’Brien, who suffers from ulcers on her legs. Two of her sons also live nearby, so she feels she has to remain positive. “You can’t be sad because nobody will want to come visit you if you are.”

Brendan Kilkenny (62) retired from 30 years’ work in the Civil Service 2½ years ago. And while he kept busy, replacing his hour-long commute into the office with daily trips to play pitch-and-putt, he realised that he missed the camaraderie of working with a large group of people. “Retirement is a huge, huge step,” he explains. “All of a sudden I missed all the banter with workmates and our Friday nights out. I’m a very outgoing, people-oriented person and for the next two years, I was living in my head.”

[ 10 Things To Know About ... ageing well: ‘I do believe people are more capable of things than they realise’ ]

[ Lonely people are not just sadder: they are unhealthier and die younger ]

Kilkenny said he realised that, as a single man living alone, he needed to be part of a community and made contact with Friends of the Elderly to see if he could join. “Joining it has totally changed my life. Everyone is so friendly. This is what I want to be part of when I’m 72 and 82. It means so much to me.”

Can we finally say goodbye to shaming women for letting their hair go grey?

---

Minor travel disasters and me: Ask me about how I discovered Germany had two Freiburgs

---

Midlands-North-West: Battle for final seat could end with a small party making a breakthrough

---

Robert De Niro’s raging at Trump outside courthouse was an extraordinary moment in American public life

---

“Loneliness can occur at any age but it is more common and more significant for older people,” says Prof Rose Anne Kenny, geriatrician at St James’ Hospital, Dublin and author of Age Proof: The New Science of Living a Longer and Healthier Life.

She says studies have found that people who are lonely are more likely to get infections, heart disease, cancer and even dementia. “Loneliness is not just a mind-related issue. It has a physiological effect. It affects the same inflammatory pathways as cancer, infections, high blood pressure, heart failure and heart attacks.”

Unsurprisingly, the antidote to loneliness is social connection. “Meeting people, having laughter in your life, good quality relationships and friendships – these are the interventions that help,” says Prof Kenny. “And it’s really important to encourage people to have a meal with someone else – even if they are just talking to someone on the phone while they are having their meal.”

[ ‘I can’t imagine giving up’: The benefits of working past retirement age ]

[ Irish study finds eight novel ways to live longer (it’s not all diet and genes) ]

Studies of loneliness as part of the Irish Longitudinal Study on Ageing at Trinity College Dublin found that loneliness among people over 50 increased threefold during the Covid pandemic. “It has not gone back to pre-pandemic levels. It is about halfway back to where it was before,” says Prof Kenny.

Friends of the Elderly – which describes itself as the national charity dedicated to combating loneliness and social isolation among older people – has launched its Silent Night Christmas Appeal.

“Silent Night is one of the most beautiful Christmas carols, with images of family get-togethers, Christmas trees with twinkling lights, but for many older people Christmas is just another silent night when nobody calls and nobody visits,” says Deborah Costello from Friends of the Elderly.

The charity is calling on members of the public to reach out to older family members, friends and neighbours to “help break the deafening sound of silence”.