Sacred Citadel

I've skipped over some clunky videogame text in my time, but Sacred Citadel , with its knotty fantasy story and clunky dialogue, had me jabbing the start button faster than usual. Once you get past the script (sample line: "All this carnage, so refreshing!") you'll find a decent, retro, side-scrolling hack-and-slash. It's set in an old fantasy land, where you must traverse hostile territories to defend your kingdom. There are strong shades of classics ( Metal Slug, Golden Axe ), including the ability to commandeer mythical beasts and combat vehicles. You can also power-up (building your strength, defences and agility),play as characters with different qualities, and work on your combos. But ultimately it'll come down to primitive button-mashing and weapon-swinging. Sacred Citadel is old-fashioned in other ways: there are lengthy boss battles, a fun multiplayer co-op mode (both online and offline), and even the score sounds like it came from a 16-bit console.