‘Mums get a lot of support in Ireland’

When Sharon Kwan's boyfriend told her he was interviewing for a job in Dublin she said she had no interest in moving to Ireland. She was working at a publications firm in her home city of Singapore and was content living close to her parents and sister.

“Moving from home and uprooting my entire life for a question mark relationship was a really big decision. He didn’t know anything about Ireland and at that point it didn’t have such a booming tech industry. But I think he saw it as a step up in his career. It was too good to say no.”

Kwan changed her mind when her Spanish-French boyfriend Sebastian Rodríguez proposed a month later. “He kept telling me he had bought the ring six months before and that it was in his pocket the whole time. He didn’t want me to think that he was only asking me to marry him because we had to move.”

Kwan had met Rodríguez a few years before through a church event organised by mutual friends. “I don’t think we were attracted to each other at the beginning. Culturally we’re very different. I’m Asian and he wouldn’t have been on the radar at all. My family were surprised because I had never dated anyone before who was not Chinese. But they were really open to him.”

Kwan only properly introduced her Spanish boyfriend to her parents after he proposed. "In Asia we're really conservative when it comes to meeting your partner's family. If you meet your other half's parents it immediately means wedding bells."

After announcing the engagement to Kwan’s parents, the couple casually dropped into the conversation that they were also moving to Ireland.

“They were happy for us but a little concerned because I’d never left home before. I don’t think my mum was that surprised because I never really fit into the whole mould of being in Singapore. Most of my friends never left home, even for school. But I always wanted to travel and live in a cooler country.”

The couple were married in November 2013 and three days later boarded a flight to Ireland via a quick stop off in Spain for another wedding.

“It was a whirlwind experience. The wedding was like a goodbye party, it was bitter sweet. We didn’t even have time for a honeymoon because he needed to get to work in Dublin.”

While Rodríguez settled into his new job, Kwan was forced to wait six months before she could begin the search for work.

“Because of the whole visa thing I had to wait six months until I got my GNIB stamp and could work. The biggest thing was we didn’t know anyone in Ireland. I tried going to the gym to make friends and spent time with the spouses of my husband’s colleagues who, like me, couldn’t work. I tried going out to explore the city on my own but it was difficult during the winter.”

Once Kwan had secured her work visa she began applying for jobs and within a month had found a position as a marketing assistant with a commercial property company. She enjoys her job and was particularly appreciative of the support her company offered when she told them she was pregnant. She says the same parental benefits would not be available in Singapore.

“If I was pregnant and looking for a job in Dublin it would be a lot easier than being pregnant and looking for work in Singapore. In Singapore the company has to pay for your maternity leave so it’s a cost to them. We have state maternity support here and a lot of parental support in my company. In Singapore, you feel like you’re being judged or at a disadvantage.”

“I think it’s a cultural thing in Ireland, mums get a lot of support here. They don’t have the same discrimination and understand if you need to take leave. I believe that if you show you care for your employees it will only create loyalty and better performance.”

Kwan and Rodríguez’s son Rafael was born in November 2015. A week after his arrival, Rodríguez’s parents arrived from Spain to help the young couple and Kwan’s parents followed a few months later.

“Bringing up a kid so far away from home is hard but my in-laws came over when he was born and my husband’s company gave him six weeks of paternity leave.

“I feel dads don’t get enough recognition for the role they do and the way they step up to embrace that role. New mums need a lot of help and knowing Seb was in the boat with me was really comforting. We both were tired, stressed and unbelievably happy. A secret wink and knowing glance at 3am does wonders to the mama’s heart.”

The couple speak four languages to their son – Kwan focuses on English with some Mandarin while Rodríguez alternates between speaking French one week and Spanish the other.

“I read that you should speak one language in the morning and the other in the afternoon. From a developmental point of view we know it will take him longer to speak, but when he’s that young he doesn’t have a primary language so you can bombard him.”

Kwan is grateful for the support from her colleagues who are also young mothers but misses friends and family back home. She and Rodríguez were active members of their local church in Singapore and have found it difficult to settle in Dublin without the same support network.

“Religion is a big part of our lives. Having a shared faith has helped us to shape our marriage and the way we parent Rafael. It’s like a unifying bond that goes beyond distance, race or nationality.”

Kwan is happy to stay in Ireland for now but says the family may try moving to the States in a few years. However, she worries that Rafael could find it difficult if they move around too much.

“I don’t know where his concept of home will be. My husband and I know where our homes are, we had childhood homes with lots of strong memories. It’s important for a child to have that sense of home.”

We would like to hear from people who have moved to Ireland in the past five years. To get involved, email newtotheparish@irishtimes.com. @newtotheparish